


DanAndPhilPRANKS

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Coming Out, Fluff, M/M, Pranks, Reality, You know it's bad when you start stealing your patter from Spongebob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-22 18:50:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9620858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Phil has a fantastic new idea for a channel. Dan isn't all that impressed.





	

                “Dan, let’s make a pranks channel!”

                Phil’s standing at the door-frame with a dumb, expectant look plastered on his face. Dan gazes at him for a few seconds, trying to figure it out. He look for the tell-tale signs of him playing a joke - an emerging smirk, that weird glimmer he gets in his eyes… nope. Nothing.

                Swiveling around in his gamer chair, he gives Phil a bewildered look. “Sorry, repeat that?”

                “A pranks channel. You and me. Can we?”

                Dan sighs.

                “Phil,” and he’s attempting his stern voice, “you have the subtlety of an elephant on crack cocaine. And neither of us even know how to do pranks. How is this in any way a good idea?”

                Phil’s face falls a bit, but he recovers and brings out his puppy eyes. God _damn_ it.

                “Pleaaaase? We can pass it off as a DanAndPhilCRAFTS thing. We can upload stuff and not tell anyone about it – just wait for them to find it themselves. Pretty please?” And God fucking _damn_ it, there’s the pout. Dan’s resolve crumbles.

                He says yes, like the dumb whipped shithead he is, and listens to Phil’s joyous exclamations as he skips down the corridor.

                Dan slams his head against the computer table.

                What on Earth has he signed himself up for?

                -

                Dan has his entire evening on the computer planned. He’s gonna play a bit of Sims, then he’s gonna check /mu/ and Reddit, then he’ll browse his Youtube subscriptions, maybe send a few tweets…

                He goes to sit on the gaming chair.

                _Caaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwww…_

                The chicken cry echoes, ricocheting against every corner of the room. The vibrations seem to last for 5 seconds after it sounds. Only then does he notice the ‘hidden’ camera on the windowsill.

                For the second time that day, he headslams the desk.

                The peaceful, self-induced reverie only lasts for a few seconds before Phil torpedoes into the room, giggling like a madman.

                “You,” wheeze, “fell for it,” wheeze,“ oh my God.”

                Dan recovers and pulls the chicken from underneath him, slapping Phil in the face with it. It does not induce the desired effect. Phil laughs harder.

                He doesn’t know why he’s so furious. He lunges out of the chair, still wielding the dog toy, a flurry of swearing spewing from his mouth. Phil, in one of the few moments of mental clarity in his life, runs away.

                Dan grabs the camera and follows the giggling. He’s greeted with Phil, tears streaming down his face, collapsed on his bedroom floor. Dan zooms in on his face.

                “Behold, Plato’s man. “Let’s do a prank channel” he said. “It’ll be funny” he said. What does he do? What great idea does he have for the first prank? Something pretty much akin to a whoopee cushion. A fucking whoopee cushion. This one goes out to all you daddy fetish weirdos, for here we look upon a true dad. Master of Dad outfits. Master of Dad jokes. Master of the Dad sense of humour. Absolute embarrassment.”

                Dan sounds so solemn, so grave, and it just makes Phil laugh harder. There’s snot dribbling down his face, he’s full on sobbing now, and Dan’s chest hurts just looking at him. He zooms in a bit more and. Yeah. This is pretty embarrassing. He turns the camera off.

                Phil’s still dribbling all over his carpet

                -

                “Hey, sweetie, you want some Ribena?

                “Sure,” Dan gasps, “put some ice in it, yeah?”

                They’ve been out jogging, and whilst their stamina is slowly improving, they still walk back into their flat in a puddle of sweat and tears. Dan falls back onto the sofa, and Phil makes his way to the fridge. This is it, Phil thinks. It's make or break time. This could be the greatest prank of his 30 years.

                He pulls out two glasses. Places them on the counter. He feels the sweat drip from his brow and land of his shirt. Patience, Lester. Patience.

                Fridge now. The Ribena is in its usual place. Good. Nice and chilled. He fills both glasses with a small amount. Now to the freezer. Ice bag. Nice and full. Full of ice. That’s good. He’s be sad if it wasn’t full of ice. He places a handful in his own glass. Then, in Dan’s, he drops one. A singular ice cube. Phil can barely stifle his laughter.

                He closes the fridge and fills the glasses up with water. Returning to Dan, he places the glass on the table in front of him. He knows his face is giving him away.

                Dan eyes the drink, then gives Phil a strange look. He picks the glass up and inspects it from all angles. When he gives it a sniff, Phil starts creasing with silent laughter, tears ebbing out of his eyes.

                Dan sips it.

                That’s when Phil falls to the ground in hysterics.

                “It just,” gulp, “tastes like normal Ribena. Phil, what the fuck?”

                Phil tries to stop his screaming, but it’s useless. 5 minutes pass. Dan’s finished his drink and had a sip of Phil’s too, to see if there’s a difference. There is none.

                “Phil…”

                Phil manages to stop hollering for a few seconds. “You… you asked for ‘some’ ice in your drink, I just put in a single cube!”

                Phil goes back to rolling around in his own spit, and Dan storms away.

                He withholds sex for a week.

                -

                Their channel has 149 subscribers. Their fans haven’t found it yet.

                “Thank fucking Christ,” Dan says, “they don’t need to see this side of you.”

                -

                Dan’s life is Hell. It’s an inferno filled with whoopee cushions and cling film on toilet seats. It’s a purgatory of not-having-sex-with-you-significant-other for about a fortnight because he won’t stop phoning you when he’s out shopping, asking if your refrigerator is running. Phil doesn’t even care. Phil prefers cheap laughs over orgasms, so it seems.

                Dan decides it’s time to fire back. There’s only so much more Phil can do before he retaliates.

                It’s a Friday evening. Phil’s went out to get an Indian takeaway, and Dan has manned the position. He’s on the step-ladder behind Phil’s door, holding a bucket of milk (he doesn’t know how to rest it on the doorframe, okay? Fuck off).

                He hears the tale-tale jangle of keys, and Phil’s voice crying “Honey, I’m home...” Dan’s heart picks up. He hopes it doesn’t sound in his voice.

                “Phiiiil? Can you come to your room for a second, please?”

                “Sure thing!”

                The takeaway gets put on a table – thank God – and the door slowly opens…

                “Ye-“

                He dumps the milk on his head.

                Phil hits the door.

                Dan falls off the step-ladder.

                “You DICK.”

                Phil’s laughing. This wasn’t supposed to happen.

                Dan slowly recovers, back in absolute agony, and starts whacking Phil with a pillow.

                “You’re! Not! Supposed! To! Laugh!”

                Phil just laughs more.

                “I’m dreaaaaaming of a white Christmaaaaas…”

                “It’s! Fucking! February!”

                Phil goes for a bath, and Dan uploads the footage, titling it HOT TWINK GETS BUKKAKED.

                -

                PRANK GONE SEXUAL 2017! ASKING MY BOYFRIEND TO TRY ANAL

                “Hey, Dan… so uh… we have a conventional sex life, yeah?”

                “Phil, we don’t have a sex life anymore.”

                “Yeah, but I wanna spice things up. Can we… try anal?”

                Phil’s getting better at holding in his laughter.

                Dan facepalms for about 5 minutes, and eventually screams into his hands.

                “FOR HOW LONG… MUST I WITHOLD SEX…”

                -

                PRANK GONE SEXUAL 2017! ASKING MY BOYFRIEND TO TRY ANAL 2.0

                Dan changes Phil’s laptop background to goat.se

                “Daaaaan, we can’t upload this to YouTube.”

                “Phil, can we try anal?”

                They have sex that night for the first time in a month.

                -

                KIDNAPPING MY BOYFRIEND PRANK 2017

                Phil, in a moment of genius, decides to recreate Sam Pepper’s polarizing kidnapping prank. When Dan walks in the house, Phil lunges at him, grabbing him by the wrists and blindfolding him.

                “You’re kidnapped,” Phil tries, dropping his voice an octave.

                “Phil! If you wanted to blindfold me during sex, you could’ve just _said_.”

                They have sex again that night.

                -

                COCAINE PRANK!

                Phil’s cut some sherbet into lines on his desk, and he’s just about to snort them, when…

                “Phil- hey! What a waste.”

                Dan proceeds to lick the sherbet off his desk.

                -

                BREAKING UP WITH MY BOYFRIEND PRANK GONE WRONG!

                “Dan… I’m breaking up with you.”

                Dan throws his hands in the air. “Oh, thank fuck.”

                Phil cries.

                -

                “Can you believe that this is how we came out?”

                The fans have found the videos, and they’re understandably freaking out. Much to Dan’s distaste, no-one seems to be mad at Phil. In fact, they seem to love him more for his ridiculous shenanigans.

                “It’s okay, we can still make a teary-eyed coming out video.”

                “Great, I’ll go set up the camera.”

                20 minutes of crying, kissing and poorly explaining their relationship later, they’ve made their coming out video. But at the end, Dan films a cut-scene.

                “Oh-oh-ohhhh, you just got PRANKED! We’re not dating! Haha! You just got tricked, bamboozled, ab-so-lute-ly duped. How’dya feel, huh? This time _you_ got pranked, not us! Ha h-“

                Phil stops his ramble by dragging Dan into a long, wet kiss. When he pulls back, Dan smiles fondly.

                “Great prank there, bro.”

                “Yeah? Let me show you an even better one.”

                Phil pushes him back onto the gaming couch.

**Author's Note:**

> Then they fucced.
> 
> Inspired by me talking about how trash a DanAndPhilPRANKS account would be.
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed, troops.


End file.
